Tales Of A Broken Heart
by deceivinghearts
Summary: "This may sound a bit like a cliche love story— I can assure you, it's anything but." begins with a T rating.
1. Prologue: Animal

**AN: My very first story! I've had this written for almost a year now, so I stopped second guessing myself and finally posted it. I tried so hard to make this longer but if I add anything else, I'll give away the whole story. I promise the rest of the chapters are longer and I hope you enjoy! This is named after 'Animal' by Neon Trees.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own 'Animal' by Neon Trees. I don't own Degrassi either. Nope.**

* * *

><p>Outside, I'm so put together. Inside I'm crumbling, drowning in my own thoughts, consumed by my never ending sorrows. I thought I locked these monstrous insecurities away a long time ago, but now I can feel it's claws scratching the walls of my heart, doing anything and everything it can to escape.<p>

I don't know how long it'll be until the monster consumes me completely.

_Him_. I'm afraid he's never satisfied. Always whispering sweet nothings to me and luring me into something believed to be deeper then simple infatuation. He took a bite of my heart, chewed it up, and spit it in my face.

No more lies for me to believe.

_Her_. My now worst enemy, turning into everything she once hated. A conceited, backstabbing, manipulative WHORE. Well, an attention whore. Becoming unnecessarily melodramatic and talking to any boy that glanced her way. That is, until he... never mind.

No more secrets to trust me with.

This may sound a bit like a cliche love story— I can assure you, it's anything but. My first love wrote a sick, twisted tale with my "best friend" being the protagonist and me being the antagonist with a motivation of jealousy. Why is it sick and twisted? You'll notice throughout this tale that he gets sidetracked quite a bit, and a few distractions was all I needed to add my own surprises and rewrite the ending.

My name is Clare Diane Edwards, I went against everything I once believed in, took on a new identity, ruined some friendships, and set fire to things I loved in less then year. Aren't you proud of me?


	2. Chapter One: I Know You Know

**AN: Chapter two! It's longer just like I promised. This chapter is dedicated to my first reviewer, ForverInYourArms. And to The Cliffhanger Girl, I'm glad you like it because you're one of my favorite authors! This chapter is named after 'I Know You Know' by Big Time Rush ft Cymphonique because I couldn't think of a song so I put my iTunes on shuffle and this song came on.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or Big Time Rush and their music.**

* * *

><p>"Great Clare, late on the first day back," I mumbled to myself while checking the time. "7:40... maybe if I run, I'll get there on time. Why am I talking to myself?" I sighed, grabbed my book bag and ran out of the house, not bothering to say bye to my dad, who was passed out on the couch or my mom, who was in the kitchen drinking coffee.<p>

While running down the front steps, I noticed a moving van next door. There was a woman with blonde hair talking to someone in front of her. I couldn't see the person's face but I caught a glimpse of black hair. I made a mental note to greet them properly later and continued rushing to school, tripping the entire way because I'm that awkward. Finally making my way into Degrassi with 5 minutes to spare, I sped to my locker. I was turning a corner when I ran into a hard chest.

"Eeek!" I squealed as I fell to the floor. A muscular, yet pale hand was in front of me. I looked up; letting out the breath I was unaware of holding. "KC."

"Hey Clare, have you seen Jenna anywhere?" He asked while helping me up.

"Nope, sorry. I'm kind of in a rush though so I'll see you later?" He nodded, giving me a warm smile while apologizing for running into me and walked away.

Aside from my best friend Imogen being absent, the rest of the day went by pretty decently. After spending a majority of the summer together, Dave finally asked Alli (my best friend) to be his girlfriend. Turns out Jenna and KC got into another argument about God knows what earlier, but they made up before lunch like always. Although, I think the best thing about today was English. Then again I've always loved writing. I had a new partner and from what Ms. Dawes (the English teacher of course) told me, he sounds like a pretty amazing writer. He didn't show up today, but nothing happens on the first day anyway.

I got home and noticed the moving truck was gone and there was now a black hearse in the driveway. "Who drives a hearse?" I mumbled. "And now I'm talking to myself again." I then decided (mentally this time) that I would make cupcakes and welcome our new neighbors. No more than two hours later, I was walking next door. I knocked three times and waited. The same blonde haired woman from this morning opened the door, a huge grin on her face.

"Hello! Sorry, I'm not interested in buying anything but maybe—"

"I'm not here to sell you anything; I'm your new neighbor! My name's Clare Edwards," I handed her the cupcakes. "I just thought I should properly welcome you into the neighborhood."

"I'm Cecelia Goldsworthy, but everyone calls me Cece. Uh, sorry about the misunderstanding," she replied, shaking my hand and grabbing the cupcakes. "These look wonderful! Please come in— Elijah get down here! Make yourself at home!" Cece seems pretty happy and bubbly... I think we'll get along just fine. "I would introduce you to my husband, but he's at work."

"If you don't mind me asking, how did he find a job so fast?"

"He got an offer he couldn't refuse at this fantastic radio station— Elijah Goldsworthy, I said get down here now! Sorry. Anyway, it's the reason we moved here. He went to go make sure everything is ready for his first official day," she explained.

"Where did you move from?" I asked, still wondering who Elijah is.

"New York. Everything is a little too fast paced for me there, but I guess that's what we get for moving to the city that never sleeps!" Just then, a boy no older than 17 came downstairs. His wardrobe was dark— black band tee, black skinnies, black boots, everything. I took a few seconds to study his face, which had an amused smirk plastered on it.

"Finally! Elijah, this is Clare Edwards, our next door neighbor." He stared at me intensely as we shook hands. Were his eyes always that green? "Clare, this is my son Elijah Goldsworthy."

"But you can call me Eli," he added while smirking again. I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks. Oh God.

"Well, Eli and Cece, it was great meeting you, but my parents are expecting me back soon." Lies. Well, it's better than standing there with Sir Smirks-A-Lot. As I turned for the door, Eli stopped me.

"You wouldn't happen to go to Degrassi, would you Clare?" I gulped.

"Actually, yeah I do, why?" Oh God, please no.

"Tomorrow's my first day and I could really use a tour guide..." He trailed off with the most adorable pout. Please, kill me now.

"I don't usually do such nice things, but for you I'll make an exception," I teased. Cece was giving us strange looks.

"Actually, I wanted you to introduce me to one of your cute friends and have them show me around. But since you have pretty eyes, I guess you're acceptable." He smirked and winked. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever, _Elijah_. See you around?"

"Guess you will... neighbor."


	3. Chapter Two: Edge Of Heaven

A|N: Three months without an update… I'm absolutely horrible. This chapter is named after "Edge of Heaven" by Breathe Carolina. It's a good song. Yeah.

Disclaimer: I doez nawt ownz Duhgrahsay or Breeth Karolyna.

* * *

><p>The next morning, I woke up on time. I showered and decided on my favorite black skinnies and a Maroon 5 hoodie. I clipped back one side of my hair and put on eyeliner, mascara and light pink lip gloss. I stopped to look at my reflection… why do I look so excited? Oh right, because today is Eli's first day at Degrassi.<p>

Eli's first day. Sounds like a cheesy children's movie.

I was obsessing over someone I met less than 24 hours ago. Who does he think he is, moving to Toronto and being all cute? I shrugged it off— well, tried to. I left for school and I wasn't even half way down the block before I heard a car honk its horn quite loudly.

"Ah! What the fudge?" I looked to my left and saw Eli driving the hearse I saw yesterday. "Eli! You scared the bejesus out of me!"

"Sorry princess, but I was just wondering if you needed a ride to school. Do you? He asked. I shook my head and kept walking. "Okay, maybe you don't need a ride, but you definitely _want_ one." I stopped walking and faced him, only for him to smirk in return.

"What makes you so sure that I want one?"

"No girl can resist a stud like—"

"You?" I cut him off midsentence, raising an eyebrow.

"I was going to say Morty, but it's good to know you think I'm a stud." He winked.

"Very funny Elijah. And Morty?" I questioned.

"_Please_ call me Eli," he whined playfully with a pout, making me giggle. "And Morty is this lovely hearse right here."

"Lovely? Whatever Eli, just take me to school and don't try anything." He smirked as I got in the car. Then I remembered something. "Hey, Eli?"

"Yes?"

"Don't EVER call me princess again."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

15 minutes later, Eli and I arrived at Degrassi. I gave him a quick tour of the school and left him at the office so he could pick up his schedule. Later that morning I walked into English, still processing what I had just learned in history a few minutes ago and saw Adam talking and laughing with… Eli?

"Hey guys," I hesitantly said.

"CLARE BEAR! I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!" Adam pouted playfully, making me roll my eyes. Eli raised his eyebrows, clearly amused. "Have you met Eli?"

Oh, I've met him alright.

"Yeah, he's sort of my new neighbor," I mumbled, hoping he didn't catch it.

"Isn't this great, _Clare Bear_? We all have English together!" Eli said in mock excitement. "I want to sit next to you, _Clare Bear_!" There goes the sarcasm. Ms. Dawes walked in as I rolled my eyes mentally and sat down. I spaced out until she began to talk about an assignment.

"I want you all to think about something personal, something that really gets you thinking, and then write down one word that summarizes that thought."

_Insecure._

"Write about this word and what it means to you. Since this assignment won't be due until the end of the school year, continue adding your deepest thoughts. Does the way you feel about this word ever change or does it stay the same? After I repeat the partners I assigned, sit with them and begin working. If you have any questions while doing this assignment, feel free to ask." Good, I never actually caught my partner's name yesterday.

"… and Blake Montgomery, Adam Torres and Ashley Rose, Clare Edwards and Elijah Goldsworthy, Marie Rodriguez and…" You've got to be kidding me. As much as I didn't want to look at Elijah, I turned around and faced him, only to see that smug smirk planted on his face. I don't know why I didn't realize that when I walked in earlier. He was the only student in this class who wasn't here yesterday. The bell rang, not giving anyone time to talk to their partners. Of course that didn't stop Eli.

"_Clare Bear_, wait up!" I kept walking to the cafeteria, determined to meet up with Imogen before she wondered off. Eli caught up to me and grabbed my arm, turning me around. "I was just going to ask if you wanted to hang out Friday night to, you know, work on our English papers and stuff."

"Sure, but can I go now? I'm supposed to meet someone." He looked slightly disappointed, but nodded and released my arm. "Bye _Elijah._"

"I told you to call me Eli!" He yelled at me as I sped away giggling.

* * *

><p>A|N: Okay, you got me. This was just a filler chapter, but Clare will be revealing something pretty huge in the next two chapters! Hopefully I can update again in the next two weeks?<p> 


	4. Chapter Three: Fall Apart

A|N: This chapter is named after "Fall Apart" by Every Avenue. You'll see why. By the way, she met Eli on a Wednesday, and Thursday was Eli's first day.

Disclaimer: I don't own the song Fall Apart or Every Avenue… although I would love a piece of their adorable lead singer. I don't own Degrassi either. ~le sigh~

* * *

><p>I woke up Friday morning to a loud thud. Then a shattering noise followed by a door slamming. I groaned, noticing that it was only 5 a.m. Opening my door and peeking out cautiously, I saw the hallway mirror on the floor, shards of glass scattered, and a glimpse of my mom against the wall crying. Dad must have left already, because the house was quiet again. I silently thanked God for him leaving. I closed my door, crawled into bed, and cried.<p>

It started getting bright in my room, a sign that I had to go to school soon. I checked the time, which was 6:45, and realized I had to get ready. I took a quick shower and put on a black long sleeve shirt, dark denim jeans, and my black converse. Tears still streaming down my face, I looked in the mirror to fix my hair and froze at what I saw. I had dark bags under my now bloodshot eyes, and my face was paler than usual. There was a bruise on my left cheek. The tears fell faster and the girl in the mirror became nothing more than a blur.

_I walked into my house, ignoring my dad sitting on the couch. He reeked of alcohol, and that could only mean one thing._

_"Where were you? Its 7 p.m., school got out 4 hours ago." He questioned._

_"I went to The Dot with Imogen." He jumped up and rushed over to me. And then..._

_SLAP._

_He hit me harder than ever. I fell to the floor, whimpering from the pain._

_"CLARE, DON'T LIE TO ME!" I didn't argue back knowing it would make things worse. I crawled toward the stairs, shaking. He sat back down, mumbling things like "stupid whore" and "I hate you". I went upstairs and cried myself to sleep._

Whatever, I still love my dad, no matter how horrible he is. After wiping my tears, I fixed my hair and put on makeup to cover the bruise and the bags under my eyes. I grabbed my bag and shoved on sunglasses, running down the stairs to see my mom sitting at the table. I put on my coat, mumbled a goodbye and walked to school.

I walked up the stairs to Degrassi, avoiding the few kids who were there and went straight to my locker. I came a half hour early, so Eli probably wasn't here yet. I really didn't want him to see me so... broken. As I struggled with my combination, a boy with a black beanie approached me.

"Hey Adam," I put on my fakest smile.

"Hey." He smiled, then began rambling about the science lab we were doing today. It's funny how easy it is to fool people with a simple smile. I tossed my coat in the locker I was rummaging through, absentmindedly pulling off my sunglasses and tucking my hair behind my ears. He suddenly stopped. "Uh, Clare, what happened?"

I panicked, remembering that I started crying on the walk to school. I wiped my face before I walked in... My makeup! I mentally slapped myself. I decided to play stupid. "What do you mean?"

"Well for starters, you have a bruise on your cheek, you have dark bags under your eyes, and they're red, and you look-" He started rambling again, and I cut him off.

"Nothing Adam, I'm fine," I faked another smile, and sped off. Adam called after me, but I ignored him. I turned the corner and ran into someone. "Sorry!"

"Silly, silly Clare," I heard the person chuckle. My head shot up and his emerald green eyes locked with my blue ones. Oh crap.

"Eli." Of course the one person I was avoiding this morning is the person I ran into. I looked down, but not quick enough.

"Uh, what happened?" I'm getting so sick of that question.

"Nothing, I have to go." I ran around him and went to my first period class. There was still 20 minutes before class started, so I put my headphones in and listened to music. After a while, I started singing quietly to myself.

"_I want you to fall apart like I did, you to hurt for all of this, all the pain you put me through, I wanna hear you say I don't deserve you."_

Imogen walked in as soon as the song was over. I took off my headphones and wiped my face, even though Imogen already knew what was happening.

"Clare is it—" she began.

"My parents? Y-yeah. They've been fighting more lately and its g-getting physical. M-my dad threw my mom a-against the wall this m-morning, and the mirror f-fell off and broke because of t-the impact." I managed to choke out between sobs.

"And your face?" I looked away. "Clare, what happened to your face?"

"My d-dad hit me y-yesterday." I looked up and our eyes locked.

Imogen pulled me into the tightest, yet most comforting hug we've ever shared.

"Clare, you need to tell someone. You can't keep letting him hurt you like this," she whispered.

"I know, and thanks for caring. It's nice to know somebody does."

"Anytime," we pulled away from each other. We still had 5 minutes until our math class started.

"Hey Imogen, I'm going to run to the bathroom before class starts."

"You need me to come with you?" I shook my head and walked out. I checked my phone and saw I got a text from Alli.

'_Adam told me you were crying this morning :[ wish we could talk now but I guess we'll have to wait until lunch, be strong xoxo'_

To tell you the truth, I don't know what I would do without Alli and Imogen by my side.


	5. Chapter Four: No Idea

A|N: New chapter in less than a week… w0oOoo00oO. This is one of those chapters I wrote a while back, but changed to fit other new details I added to the story. There's one teeny tiny section that could be considered M rated depending on your personal line of decency. I still think its T rated so yeah. This chapter is named after No Idea by Big Time Rush. You mad that I like their adaptation more than the original All Time Low song? Stay mad because I really don't care. Just kidding, I totez luv u guyz!11!1!11!

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, No Idea, or Big Time Rush. Do I have to put ATL too? Whatever, I don't own them either.

* * *

><p>Later that day, I walked into my house which was eerily quiet. I dropped my bag on the table and noticed a note with tiny lettering— no doubt my mother's handwriting.<p>

'_Clare, we went to Aunt Elizabeth's for the weekend. There's money under your pillow for food and anything else you need. See you Monday morning, we love you. – Mom and Dad'_

Dad loves me? Yeah right. I ran up to my room to see how much they left me. Counting the multiple bills almost 15 times, I accepted the shocking fact that they left $400 behind for only one weekend. I eventually shrugged it off and decided to take advantage of the newfound silence in my house and do all my homework. When I finished my history assignment, I read my book, Impulse by Ellen Hopkins. A few hours later, I noticed it was nearly 9 p.m. and Eli had never shown up to work on our English project. I got on my laptop and as soon as I logged into Facerange, I received an IM.

Eli-gold49: Hey.

Clare-e23: Hi.

Eli-gold49: Wow, could you sound anymore excited?

Clare-e23: I could, but someone left me hanging tonight.

Eli-gold49: Sorry about that… anyway, what are you up to?

Clare-e23: Nothing.

Eli-gold49: Home on a Friday night? That must mean no super-hot date tonight.

Clare-e23: Nope. What about you, Mr. Goldsworthy?

Eli-gold49: What about me?

Clare-e23: There's no incredible girl waiting for you to sweep her off your feet?

Eli-gold49: Well, there's this one girl but she isn't really waiting on me…

I glared at the screen, trying to figure out who he was talking about. Then he sent another IM.

Eli-gold49: Don't overthink that. Aren't there some rad back-to-school parties going on tonight?

Clare-e23: Why waste my night at some high school party when I could stay home alone?

Eli-gold49: Alone, huh? Where are your parents?

Clare-e23: They went out of town until Monday morning.

Eli-gold49: Cool, then I'll be there in 20. Get ready for the best weekend of your life!

* Eli-gold49 is offline *

Wait, what?

Eli, my next door neighbor of only a few days, was coming to my house for an entire weekend. This should be… interesting.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Before Eli came over, I showered and put on a long sleeved green shirt with black and green striped shorts. I checked the time and realized Eli should've been here 20 minutes ago. Whatever, I could care less about what time he showed up. I decided to make a sandwich and 10 minutes later, there was a knock at the front door. I opened it to see a boy clad in his usual black attire with a large bag, as well as his school bag.

"Hey! Thanks for showing up," I looked at my wrist, pretending there was a watch on it, "30 minutes later than you said you would."

"Aw, you were counting the minutes?" he gripped his chest in a sarcastic manner. I ignored his comment and let him inside. I directed him to my room and he dropped off his stuff while I finished eating my sandwich.

"Are you hungry?" he shook his head violently.

"No way Edwards, I am supposed to make this weekend great for you. So the question is, are YOU hungry?" I giggled and told him no. "Good, so we can get started. I believe we were going to work on our English project tonight, yes?" I groaned.

"We have all weekend to work on that, let's just watch a movie or something," I suggested.

"I thought you would never ask!" He pulled out a bunch of movies.

"Seriously, Eli?"

"Yes. Now what do you want to watch? One of the amazing Saw movies, Paranormal Activity, Easy A, Scream—"

"Easy A! Wait, Elijah Goldsworthy, why do you even own Easy A?" He smirked mischievously.

"I know Penn Badgley is a big hit with the ladies, as am I," he winked, which made me blush.

"There's something we have in common," Eli raised his eyebrows in a confused manner. "We both have a thing for Penn Badgley!" I quipped sarcastically and snickered.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say." Eli put the movie on and we sat on the couch, a bit too close to each other if you ask me. He leaned back and rested his arm behind me on top of the couch. Halfway through the movie, I noticed his arm had fallen around my shoulders and I was leaning against him, dozing off.

_Eli was hovering over Clare, kissing furiously on the living room floor. She already pulled off his shirt and he was pulling off hers. He nibbled on her neck, causing her to moan in his ear. He thrust his hips into Clare._

"_Eli!" She lifted her head enough to bite the pulsing vein in his neck. She slithered down to the top of his jeans and unzipped them without a doubt in her mind. Her hands slipped inside._

"_Clare… oh Clare… CLARE!"_

"CLARE!" Eli yelled. I woke up and fell on the floor.

"Owww," I whined, rubbing my head and sitting up. "What happened?"

"Well, let's see. You fell asleep during the movie. You started moving around and moaning my name. Then you started rubbing the area around my, uh, penis… so you caused a little problem," he explained, pointing to the bulge in his jeans. "And then I woke you up and you fell." I froze and stared at the floor.

Oh. My. God.

If this isn't the most embarrassing and awkward thing that has ever happened to me then I don't know what is.

"Eli, I am so, so, so, so, so sorry. I don't know how that happened and I just—"

"It's ok." I got up from the ground, avoiding his eyes at all costs.

"Uh… I'm just going to go upstairs and go to sleep," I mumbled while fixing my clothes. I turned to walk away.

"Clare, wait," Eli started. "Should I sleep here or upstairs?"

"Doesn't matter to me," I confirmed, blushing at the thought of me and Eli in the same bed. '_Seriously? Did that dream teach you nothing?'_ I thought, chastising myself mentally.

"Cool, I guess I'm bunking with you then." I did a complete 180 and stood there shocked. He smirked and usually I would've protested to something like this, but it's just Eli, right? I must've been staring at him while I was arguing with myself mentally, because he brushed past me and went up the stairs. I sighed loudly and trudged up the stairs. When I walked into my room, Eli was shirtless and stretching, his slightly toned back facing me and grey plaid boxers peeking out from his skinny jeans. I couldn't help but stare as he slowly unzipped his jeans and pulled them down slowly, revealing his smooth pale thighs.

"Enjoying the show, Edwards?" he turned and looked at me with his peripheral vision. '_Crap.'_

"Puh-lease, Elijah. I've seen better, trust me." I quipped and lay down on my bed.

"So I guess you won't mind if I sleep like this?" he asked innocently. _'I hate you, Elijah.'_

"No, not at all," I answered using my most confident voice and looked away to hide the blush that threatened to give me away. He turned off my lamp and climbed into bed. He lay down next to me, once again, a little too close. I turned so my back was facing him. A few minutes passed and I was still awake. I felt him shuffling around and he pressed himself against my back. I tensed up from his sudden change in position.

"Clare, relax. I'm not trying to rape you or anything," he got closer to my ear and whispered, "unless you want me to." I shivered from his cool breath and relaxed, allowing him to wrap his arm around my waist. I started dozing off and before I fell asleep, I heard him singing quietly.

"_And I just wanna breathe until I take you in, 'cause I want you to breathe until you take me in, but the truth is that she has no idea, no idea, that I'm even here…"_


	6. Chapter Five: We Are Birds

A│N: I believe this is the longest chapter yet, with a stunning 2,000+ words! I don't really have a lot of reviewers (which I hope changes soon), but I do have enough people adding me to their alerts to keep this story going. Would you guys like it if I responded to your reviews? Feel free to ask questions in a review or my inbox if something doesn't make sense or whatever. This chapter is named after 'We Are Birds' by Brighten.

Disclaimer: I forgot to say that I don't own Impulse by Ellen Hopkins in my last chapter. I don't own Degrassi or Brighten or their music.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes the next morning, shutting them again due to the blinding brightness in my room. I rolled so my back was facing the window. The smell of food wafted through the air, so I got up and went downstairs.<p>

"Mom," I began, then rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't imagining things. Elijah Goldsworthy was standing in my kitchen, half naked drinking a cup of coffee. I looked at the table seeing two plates set, each having a stack of pancakes, a few strips of bacon, and toast. I guess I must've spaced out, because Eli started waving his hands in my face.

"Well, good morning to you too," He chuckled deeply. "You act as if you've never seen food before."

"I'm sorry; I just forgot you were here. This looks amazing," I said, still amazed. We both sat down and started eating, making small talk.

"So I was thinking we could have a picnic today, and work on our English project a little." Eli suggested.

"Sounds great," I said sincerely. It really was a great idea, and I couldn't wait until later. I excused myself went upstairs to shower, telling Eli he could use the shower in my parent's room. An hour later, I went downstairs wearing a white tank top with a black cardigan, along with denim shorts and my black converse. Obviously, I love my black converse. I saw Eli waiting on the couch dressed in his usual dark colors, which disappointed me since I liked him better, well, shirtless. No use in fighting what my teenage hormones already decided for me last night. I tried hiding the blush on my face and asked Eli if he was ready to go, to which he sarcastically replied that we could make sandwiches out of tree bark and grass. "Sorry it slipped my mind, but no need to be a turd about it, Elijah." I sauntered into the kitchen and we made ham and cheese sandwiches. I packed those, along with strawberries, Nutella, chips, water and a blanket, in a picnic basket. I don't know why my parents got us a picnic basket when we never went on picnics, but whatever. Finally around 1 p.m., we grabbed our school bags and left.

"Don't get used to me driving you around like this, princess," he teased.

"I really wish you would stop calling me princess," I groaned. "Where are we going anyway?"

"Sorry _Clare Bear_, but it's a surprise." I hate surprises.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He pulled up to an average park, and I didn't understand why he told me it was a surprise when I've been here countless times before.

"I've been here before Elijah," I rolled my eyes. He sighed loudly, faking annoyance.

"Don't you ever shut up?" He got out of the car and got the basket and his bag. I rolled my eyes again and retrieved my stuff. He started walking to a gated area that I've surprisingly never noticed before. He gently leaned over the gate and dropped what he was carrying on the other side, then hopped the gate himself. I stopped hesitantly and he raised his eyebrows, smirking. "Well, are you coming?" I raised my eyebrows and looked around. I threw my bag at him and jumped the gate, feeling mischievous. We made our way down the grassy, semi-steep hill. We were approaching a tunnel and Eli handed me the basket, covering my eyes.

"Eli, I hate surprises," I whined. Suddenly, I felt his presence near my ear.

"Trust me, you'll like this one." He whispered. We kept walking and when he finally took his hands off my eyes, I gasped.

There was a pond with lily pads floating around gracefully. Further back, you could see rose bushes near a few cherry blossom trees. I looked to the right and saw rocks of all different shapes and sizes. I noticed Eli near them, setting up the picnic on a large flat rock. He was practically done with everything, and I wondered how long I was taking in the scenery. Why do I keep spacing out? I walked over to him and helped him unpack the food… well, I tried to, but he kept swatting my hands away from the basket. I gave up and took out my English notebook, reading over the few lines I had written on the drive here.

_Insecure:_

_I haven't always been insecure, but I'm no longer the perfect Christian girl with the perfect Christian family that everyone had grown so used to seeing. My own family has shown me enough of this cold cruel world. There's no longer a need to criticize society's standards of perfection when you have parents like mine. Now I have these overwhelming secrets that trap me in this deep blue ocean, and no matter how hard I try to swim up from it, I'm tangled in the seaweed of my very own disgrace._

"Can I see what you have?" Eli asked. He was sitting in front of me with his legs crossed, as was I, holding a bottle of water.

"No! It's personal," I whispered.

"That's the whole point of the assignment, Clare. As your partner, I have to help you— give you suggestions on what could strengthen your writing. How am I supposed to do that if you won't even let me read what you write?" He dug in his bag and pulled out his English notebook, flipping it over to a page filled with crossed out words and messy handwriting. "I'll even let you read what I have so far."

I raised my eyebrows at that and pondered his offer. We swapped books and he began reading instantly, making me regret my decision. I looked at the book sitting in my lap and read it.

_Guilt:_

_I was sitting at a café near my old home in New York City drinking a hot chocolate. I was supposed to be doing a math assignment with a friend, but I stopped momentarily to look at the person entering. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. She had black hair, dark brown eyes and a smile that could kill. She sat at a table nearby alone and I watched as she ordered a hot chocolate, the exact thing I had ordered. I continued working with my friend, stealing glances at her every now and then. My friend had noticed and rolled his eyes, telling me to go up to her. I refused to and he told me to go before I lost my chance. I looked over and noticed she had packed up the book she read, waiting patiently for her server to come back. I took a deep breath and walked over to her, sitting in the empty seat across from her. She looked at me curiously and smiled, introducing herself. Her name was Julia and she told me she noticed me watching her, to which I blushed at. I told her who I was, and we made small talk for a few minutes before her server came over. She paid for her hot chocolate and asked the older woman if she could use her pad and pen. She wrote something down and ripped the page off, handing the woman her stuff. She folded the paper, gave it to me and smiled, walking out of the café. I opened the paper to see her name and number, along with a heart. That was only the beginning of our story._

"Wow," I breathed out. "That was good. Like, really good." I praised.

"I could say the same about yours. You only wrote a few sentences and I'm already dying for more." He chuckled deeply, exchanging notebooks again. I blushed and took out the strawberries and Nutella.

"She sounds amazing," I said after a few minutes of silence. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"She was amazing, and no, we aren't together anymore," he paused, seeming deep in thought. "She died."

"I'm sorry to hear that Eli. If you don't mind me asking, what happened to her?" I leaned over and rested my hand over his.

"It was a hit and run, nobody ever caught the drunken bastard that did it," he scoffed. I pulled away and we both looked down at our forgotten notebooks. I waited to see if Eli would ask me about my writing, but he never did. I sighed, relieved at this fact, and picked at the strawberries. It's just another day that I can safely lock away my secrets.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Do your parents even know where you are this weekend?"

"Of course princess, what kind of guy do you think I am?" He feigned shock, placing his hand on his chest. I rolled my eyes and walked into my bathroom. After a quick shower, I put on a pair of black shorts and a lavender long sleeved shirt. I came out and saw Eli lying on my bed, using my laptop.

"How did you know my password?"

"Come on Clare, 'iheartPB123'? It wasn't that hard to figure out, especially since you have an excessive amount of Penn Badgley posters hanging around your room. You're such a typical teenage girl," he clicked something, "As if the posters weren't enough proof, these racy stories you write are icing on the cake!"

"ELIJAH, CLOSE IT NOW!" I shrieked, my face burning with embarrassment. I stormed toward him and he closed the laptop, hopping off the bed and running to the door. "There's no way I'm letting you get away with this one, Elijah!" I lunged at him and tackled him to the floor. We started rolling around as I tried to punch him anywhere I could. Somehow he winded up on top of me and he started tickling me. "N-no fair, I'm s-s-supposed to b-be m-mad at y-you!" I gasped between fits of giggles.

"Say you aren't mad anymore!" He told me and I shook my head. "Say it!"

"I'm n-n-not mad a-anymore!" I squeaked out. He stopped tickling me and we were both out of breath, me from laughing and him from trying to hold me down. We stared at each other, trying to catch our breath, and I used this opportunity to take in his features. His disheveled hair and slightly red face, his mouth parted and his chest rising. When I got to his emerald eyes, I noticed his eyelids were low and eyes glazed over with a look similar to the look he gave me when we met. He leaned down slowly and squinted slightly.

"You have pretty eyes," he whispered, glancing at my lips for a moment.

"Thanks," I mumbled as he kept getting closer to my face. I closed my eyes and when I didn't feel his lips on mine, I opened them again to see him getting up, putting his hand out to help me. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand, allowing him to help me up. I walked away from him and turned on the lamp next to my nightstand. I walked to where Eli was still standing as if he was deep in thought, going around him and turning off my room light. I turned to go back to my bed, but was cut off by Eli pushing me up against the wall, his lips attacking mine.

I turned us around and Eli walked forward as I backed up until I felt my legs touching the edge of my bed. I fell back slowly as he carefully hovered over me, lips attached and hearts racing. He finally pulled away, giving me some time to catch my breath as he nibbled around my neck.

"Eli, w-we can't," I breathed out. I felt his hand moving under my shirt, resting on my bare stomach.

"We can," he whispered, "you just don't want to." His husky voice made me shudder slightly. I tangled my hands in his hair and pulled him up gently, looking into his eyes.

"It could be my hormones speaking for me, but I want to. I just can't do this with someone I met a few days ago. I barely know you! As cliché as this might sound, I'm waiting for the one," I pulled one of my hands out of his hair and showed him my abstinence ring, "because I made a promise to myself and God."

"Oh," he mumbled, removing his hand from under my shirt. He got up and walked toward the door, making me sit up.

"Where are you going?" He stopped and sighed.

"I think I should sleep on the couch… goodnight Clare." Eli walked out the door and I just lay down, knowing that no amount of blankets could change how cold I now felt.


	7. Chapter Six: Hit And Run

A│N: I'M ALIVE! If you're reading my other story, Only Place I Call Home, you should already know why I've been gone for a while. If not, I'm going to leave another small explanation at the bottom of this chapter. This chapter is named after "Hit and Run" by Breathe Carolina. Sorry it took me so long, enjoy!

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: Do I really have to do this every time? Probably not, so this will be the last time I do this because it is a constant reminder that I don't own Degrassi or any of the songs I name the chapters after, just my idea for this story.<p>

My parents had returned Monday morning, as promised, only to find me rushing out the door. I heard my mom call out to me, but I ignored her since I was eager to get to school and find Imogen. I rode my bike seeing how I was in a rush and Eli was not an option at the moment. What was I thinking when I told him I wanted to sleep with him? I must've sounded ridiculous! I face palmed myself— literally. When I woke up Sunday morning, him and all his stuff was gone. All that remained was a note stating that his mom called him home for an emergency. Needless to say, I stayed home that day to work on my English assignment.

As I locked up my bike, I spotted Imogen through the front window of Degrassi, laughing. Whoever she was talking to was standing in front of her, hidden by the wall. She saw me coming and smiled, saying goodbye to her friend. She ran to meet me at the front door.

"Hello, Clare Edwards," she raised her eyebrows, "what news do you bring me today?"

"I bring no special news, I just thought you could escort me to class considering we have the same one," I decided to avoid conversation about Eli, "who were you talking to before I walked in?"

"Oh, that was nobody important, just someone in my chemistry class." She shrugged it off and we walked to class.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I don't know who decided to pull the fire alarm on the fourth day of school, but they saved me from playing dodge ball in gym. They kept us outside for the entire period so when we returned, it was lunchtime. I sat at our usual table in the back of the cafeteria where Adam was already waiting. Soon after, Imogen and Alli joined us. I felt strange, as if someone was watching me. Looking around, I locked eyes with none other than Eli. He was propped up on a wall, eating an apple. I took in his appearance, which was a gray unbuttoned shirt with a black long sleeved shirt underneath, black skinny jeans and combat boots. I glanced back up to his face, seeing the amused expression he wore.

"Clare, stop staring at Eli," Adam whispered next to me. I blushed and Adam waved him over.

"What are you doing?!" I loudly whispered back.

"Something you don't have the lady balls to do," he snickered, "ha, lady balls."

"Real mature Adam," I rolled my eyes, watching Eli make his way over. I suddenly felt self-conscious about myself in the shorts and light hoodie I was wearing as he looked me up and down slowly. He decided to sit next to me… great.

"So we meet again, Elijah Goldsworthy," Imogen said. What did she mean by again?

"Why do I get the feeling that you two know each other?" I said teasingly.

"Eli is in my chemistry class. He's also the person I was talking to this morning." I nodded slowly, not pushing the topic any further. I pulled out a book I had recently started and tried to ignore the brooding boy next to me.

"_An Abundance of Katherines_… what's that about?" I could feel him move closer, his breath tickling my ear. I rolled my eyes, an action I seemed to be doing often since meeting Eli.

"How about you read the book and find out yourself?" I coldly answered. I pretended to be immersed in my book, but I heard Eli asking for us to be excused. I wasn't planning on going… until he yanked me up from my seat, making me drop my book on the table. I tried to pull my wrist out of his grip but he was stronger. We got to the hallway and I crossed my arms over my chest, looking at the floor.

"Are you ok?" Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

"Peachy," I mumbled. "It's not like I kissed a boy and he ran away the next day… oh wait, that actually happened."

"I left a note—"

"Which we both know was a load of crap."

"You don't have to be so bitter about it, Clare." He reached up to touch my arm, but I pulled away quickly.

"Don't touch me!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. Just listen to me, please," I stared into his eyes, seeing his sincerity. I sighed and nodded, leading Eli outside and sitting under the furthest tree from the school building. "Julia was my first serious girlfriend. The second I saw her, I knew I had to have her. I couldn't let the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen walk out of the café that day. We loved a lot of the same things, from music to the kind of socks we preferred," he chuckled and then grew serious.

"What happened?" I asked gently.

"We were together for a little over a year— fifteen months, but the arguing started around our one year anniversary. They weren't even reasonable arguments, just silly disagreements. We would yell over homework problems or books, even what my mom should cook for dinner. But it seemed like each fight got more intense and she started getting more and more distant. It seemed like she was spiraling into self-destruction and I couldn't do anything to save her."

"The night she died, we had got into another argument. I had asked her why she had been acting so irritable lately, as if she was on edge about something. She just stared at me with this blank look. I finally noticed her eyes lacked that fire they once held, and she no longer had her confident posture or that daring smile. She looked fragile, Clare. Like a scared little girl. Then she broke down, which was completely unexpected. God, she started crying and screaming about how it was her fault and she deserved it. I just kept trying to calm her down because I couldn't piece anything she was saying together." Eli was in tears now and I rested my hand on top of his, giving him a supportive nod.

"He raped her. That sick bastard raped her. Julia's own father, someone that was supposed to take care of her and respect her, rapedher." My jaw dropped and my free hand went over my mouth in shock.

"Oh my God," I whispered, my own voice cracking as tears fell down my face.

"I didn't know what to do. So many different emotions ran through me at once. I was furious that he would do that to his own child and I was upset that I didn't realize it sooner. But you know what really broke me?" I waited for him to continue. "She thought she deserved it. Clare, she blamed herself. After I calmed her and myself down, I told her we needed to go to the cops. She didn't take it nearly as well as I had hoped. She jumped out of my arms and backed up until she got to the front door. My parents weren't home and I wasn't sure how to handle something like this. I got up and I walked toward her slowly but she kept shaking her head frantically. She wouldn't listen to me. Finally she stopped. There was no more head shaking or uncontrollable sobbing. Instead, she looked me right in the eyes with the coldest expression and told me that I would never understand. I tried," he choked back a sob, "I tried stopping her Clare, I really did, but she was too fast. She ran down the street and disappeared into the stormy night. I got in my car and started looking for her while I called my mom and filled her in. A couple of blocks later, I heard a loud scream that undoubtedly belonged to Julia and saw a car speeding away. I drove a few more feet and saw Julia, my Jules, lying in the middle of the street. I called the cops and told them where we were, telling them to hurry. I hopped out of my car and ran over to her unconscious body. I couldn't tell if she was breathing because it was pouring rain and I was crying. I didn't even register the paramedics pulling me up and placing me in the ambulance with her because the next thing I know, I'm in the hospital and the doctor is telling me she's gone."

I pulled Eli into a hug, feeling his body shake with each sob.

"It's my fault she died! If I didn't push her to report him, then she wouldn't have run into the pouring rain alone. She would still be alive. I killed my girlfriend!"

"No Eli, it's not your fault." I said gently, not wanting to upset him anymore. "You just tried to help her. If it's anybody's fault, it's her father's and the bastard that hit her and left her there to die."

"I'm sorry for dumping this on you, especially during school," he pulled away, sniffled, and continued. "I just wanted to explain why I left on Sunday."

"Not to upset you anymore, but what did that have to do with you leaving?"

"I'm not ready to let anyone in yet. I know we just met last week, but I like you… a lot. No matter how hard I fight it, something keeps pulling me to you and I don't know why. I don't want to scare you away." I hugged him again, tighter than before.

"I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

><p>A│N: I was at the end of my junior year when I began writing this chapter and I had to study for my regents (and if you don't know what those are, they're final exams). I've also been really busy with college stuff, summer plans, etc. When I wasn't busy, I suffered from writer's block. Then my boyfriend and I broke up and I kind of lost my will to write. I can honestly say that I've had the very beginning of this chapter written for about two or three months but every time I opened it, I couldn't seem to continue from where I had left off. All is well now, so I hope to write and post the next few chapters very soon. To those of you reading this, thanks for sticking around even though I suck at updating!<p> 


End file.
